Soup Talk: Single and Confused

5 Jan

According to CNN  43 percent of Americans above the age of 18 are single. Data also suggest that there are 100 single women to every 88 single men. Astounding? Not so much.

Being single can be filled with confusion. A emotional roller coaster ride of highs and lows. There are days when being unattached is liberating. There is a certain thrill that can be found with  the ability to date who you want to within your own judgement. However, more than not, there are times when the depressing realization emerges. When you realize that everyone you associate with is a variable and your fantasies of a  dependable constant is…just that. 

Coming from a nuclear family structure in which all nine of the children were raised in the house with our biological parents, shared the same last name, and didn’t have any half-brothers or sisters; this was the environment I was use to. It would seem that I should have become a product of my traditional environment, right?

Hmmm…. Well, It didn’t happen!

 I currently sit on the board for the “30 something and never married with kids” club!  Did I go wrong somewhere? Out of my eight siblings, I am the youngest and the only one who has NEVER been married (one of my brothers had his Single’s Club Card revoked in Sept 2009). Not only am I the only person to never exchange nuptial vows in my family, but most of the women I know are exactly like me! Crazy thing is, we are all 30 something, never married, kids by a man/men we are no longer with and confused!

Yes I said it CONFUSED!! The one thing that we don’t want to admit but it always has an eerie way of slithering up our spine, entering our ear canal and embedding itself into our brains. Which causes us to turn to each other for support, guidance, and just to plain old vent about how STUPID the last brother we dated was for not recognizing the treasure that laid before him. We have become a tribe of loveless-heard-it-all-been-through-that-before-if-it-don’t-fit-don’t-force-it restless natives. Wandering in our own wilderness of club scenes, restaurants, movies, walks through the parks, and “Un-huh, yes I’m listening” conversations trying to decipher the code for bullshit.

We come with play-books and reference cards. Voices in our heads scream to us “GIRL, DIP LEFT BEFORE YOU GET TACKLED!” In our dating arena, the team is missing one of the key players but he has to fit perfectly within the coexisting team. There is no reformation or trades that can be made at this stage in the game, and we’re aiming for the CHAMPIONSHIP! We want the ring (wedding and championship), bragging rights, and the glory!  We are ready to sing to the losers “Nah Nah Naaa Nah, Nah Nah Naaa Nah, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye!” as we watch their faces full of sorrow. As always, when we exhibit a hint of happiness in a new relationship it seems as if the ex always receives an epiphany. His dark mood indicative of the fact that he is mourning a loss. A huge “The one that got away”  type of loss. Hey! Beyonce said it best “If you liked it…you should have put a ring on it!” Don’t cry now!

Truth is… Prince Charming never arrives on his trusty white Porsche and if he does, his goals are not aligned with our goals (at that time), or he’s unwilling to deal with the tainted person we have become through experience. Better yet, he is too fresh out of a previous situation and not ready for another one. He just wants to be “Friends” and more likely the kind with benefits.

As I look at my parent’s 60-years of marriage I smile. It took a lot of dedication on their part to maintain a union for 6 decades. Sometimes I wonder if I took the easy route out of Dodge County and gave up too easily. When the going got tough should I have gotten tougher?  Maybe my husband is right before my eyes, yet i fail to recognize him or I’m afraid of putting my all into another situation that will leave me scarred and bruised if it doesn’t work out! Am I expecting the worse to happen so often that it does? Is that one little thing he does that irritates me always a deal-breaker?

“If you always do what you’ve always done then you will get what you always have.” is a line that I hear frequently! Also, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!”. Well, where is my STRAIGHT JACKET!  Maybe it’s time to do something differently. Women of the world who find yourselves in this same place in their lives, I challenge you to do something DIFFERENT! I will do the same and maybe, just maybe, even though we are past the nuclear family stage, we will be blessed with the BLENDED FAMILY of our dreams!

Take Care Beloved


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